"Listen, people don’t know how to count anymore," said the Microsoft Marketing God, God Of All Marketing. "So what if we fudge a few numbers? Windows 10, Xbox One. Who cares? It’s just numbers."

"Sir, won’t this confuse the masses who do still know the ancient art of math?" said the lowly Intern. "Don’t we run the risk of this marketing scheme falling on its face?"

The Marketing God said nothing. The next day, the Intern was found filleted and served in the company food court.

So here’s a fun fact: When I was younger, I heard a Van Morrison song where the lyrics mentioned Jack Kerouac’s “The Dharma Bums”. I misheard this lyric and thought that Van Morrison was singing "The Dharma Buns" instead.
This was when Dharma & Greg was on TV. I thought, “Man, why would some wacko write a song about a TV show character and a bunch of cinnamon buns?”
I only realized my mistake about 20 years later. I am an idiot and should be put straight to bed.

So here’s a fun fact: When I was younger, I heard a Van Morrison song where the lyrics mentioned Jack Kerouac’s “The Dharma Bums”. I misheard this lyric and thought that Van Morrison was singing "The Dharma Buns" instead.

This was when Dharma & Greg was on TV. I thought, “Man, why would some wacko write a song about a TV show character and a bunch of cinnamon buns?”

I only realized my mistake about 20 years later. I am an idiot and should be put straight to bed.

latenightseth:

Blink and you’ll miss this Late Night writer’s cameo in SNL's opening credits…

I know that Conner and Aidy probably hang out often, but I’m imagining them talking about The Chris Gethard Show here and interacting like so:
A: Oh yeah, I was in that one episode with the Kissing Booth Glory Hole. It was kinda cool, but it was kinda weird. I don’t know. What were you in?
C: I dressed up in a blue outfit and smeared fake semen all over my face. I also screamed a lot. Would you like me to demonstrate?

latenightseth:

Blink and you’ll miss this Late Night writer’s cameo in SNL's opening credits…

I know that Conner and Aidy probably hang out often, but I’m imagining them talking about The Chris Gethard Show here and interacting like so:

A: Oh yeah, I was in that one episode with the Kissing Booth Glory Hole. It was kinda cool, but it was kinda weird. I don’t know. What were you in?

C: I dressed up in a blue outfit and smeared fake semen all over my face. I also screamed a lot. Would you like me to demonstrate?

Anonymous asked:

tell me about yourself

Hi, Anonymous caller. I leave the most intimate information only for those who I know, or who show me their beautiful faces. However, I do have a series of boilerplate answers for situations like these. Here are a few:

  • Hello, Anonymous caller! I am Will, I am 23 years old, and I eat paste all damn day. I was in a Shakespeare play. I sit down on a Lazy Susan, spinning around like Tommy Cruisin’.
  • Hi, Anonymous suitor! I am Will, I am 21 years old, and I am allergic to all forms of life, yes, including myself. I am always sneezing and breaking out into hives wherever I go. It’s a mess, really.
  • Aloha, Anonymous comrade! I am Will, I am 901 years old, and I have a collection of goats in my fridge which I’d rather not talk about. How are you?

I hope that gives you an idea about who I am. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask for a resume. Thank you, and have a wonderful day!

Had to put this bad boy down today. Picked him up at a garage sale in junior year of college, used it for writing, as a prop, and as a decoration. Don’t know why I held on to it for so long. Guess I felt a connection to it. What a nerd.

Anyway, rest in peace, old PowerBook that is about as old as me. May you dwell in the House of Floppy Disks forever.

SNL 40: Episode 1 review

I am sleepy and can’t physically stay awake to watch past the monologue of Chris Pratt’s SNL, so here’s my review of the episode before it even ends:

- Aidy Bryant, you beautiful sunflower, you are beautiful.

- Chris Pratt, you adorable man child, you are adorable.

- Bobby Moynihan, my unconditional love for you runs deeper than the Mariana Trench.

- Everyone else: I love you too.

This was less of a review and more of a sleepy love letter to SNL. Congratulations, show. You are now old enough to be middle aged.